OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
