I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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