apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
