You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
