sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
