I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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