Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
