if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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