So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
