Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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