you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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