so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
