Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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