she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
