Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
