my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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