I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
