so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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