He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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