Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
