I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
