Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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