I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
