everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
