I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
