You can't motorboat a personality
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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