Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
