so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
