I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
