The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
