You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
