I want to have your abortion
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
