Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
