I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
