remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
