You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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