Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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