How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
