Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
