Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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