I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
