I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
