I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
