forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
