We won't sleep together?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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