I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
