Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
so much tequila, so little girl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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