I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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