Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
