quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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